The chat ends with Adam and Stu discussing Adam's decisions to step away from the sales side of turf and pursue a business venture supplying turf managers and golf clubs with custom made video communications. www.coursecares.com/

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I have been working on my own mental health over the past year, and have spoken to several colleagues and friends who one would have never thought that they are struggling with mental health too.  We are all very different with how we feel about discussing our feelings, fears, or challenges. I am one of those people who is open to discussing what I'm going through.  I have been fortunate to get great professional help which has helped me sort things out over the last year or so.

I have spoken to several colleagues and friends who one would have never thought that they are struggling with mental health too... 

A couple of weeks ago, I was able to join the Mindful Superintendent online group sessions hosted by Paul MacCormack. Having been through a few classes now, I quickly picked up on the common thread between this group of superintendents and vendors of varying ages working on themselves as I have been. It’s great to be able to meet others who are focusing on the same goals and sharing ways they manage and work through their challenges. Everyone in the group had decided individually to make a difference in their life as well as have a positive impact on others.

Historically, mental health hasn't been openly discussed because of the long-standing stigma associated with it. We were brought up to not talki about our feelings, emotions, or problems. That sort of thinking needs to change, and thankfully is changing within our industry.

We all have stressors that we must deal with and process in our own way. We all deal with family, team members, memberships, general managers, weather and delayed equipment arrivals. Every day, we have so many decisions to make. One thing I have learned is that I am in CONTROL of bettering myself. Remember the word CONTROL. While many of us thrive on being in control, ironically I have found that control was one of the things contributing to my mental health issues.

We must be conscious of all aspects of our mental head space and how professional decisions can impact our personal lives...

YOU have the choice of how to react or respond to certain circumstances that cause you stress. The way you respond tells you how you are coming along in your quest for a better mental place. Before I came to this new way of thinking, I would react to a stressor without thinking clearly and that would cause more issues than I started with. We must be conscious of all aspects of our mental head space and how professional decisions can impact our personal lives.

Prioritize self-care
Finding ways to make time for self-care is important in your quest for better mental health. Some things I do to help me focus include exercising regularly, intentionally making time for family, putting down the phone and other technology, listening to mental health podcasts, seeing a therapist, communicating with friends and being accountable.

Regular exercise helps me with anxiety, depression, and overall mood quality. My self-esteem is better, and I find myself being more comfortable in social situations. Putting technology aside is difficult as everything is trending to the portable computer we carry in our pockets. This makes it hard to separate work from home.  Use the focus feature on your phone to limit notifications at certain times. Or, just put it down when you’re with your family. Take baby steps and you’ll slowly be able to recognize your patterns and be able to adjust them.

The most exciting technique that I have come across is cold plunge therapy, which is not for everyone! Cold plunge therapy forces me to clear my mind and really prepare my mind, body, and spirit to submerge myself in sub-45-degree water!  I’m not suggesting you "jump" right into this. It comes with some potential risks. Speak with your health care provider first.

Learn to let go
Letting go is a big step towards positive mental health. I recently had the opportunity to take some time off with the birth of my third daughter. Thankfully I had the staff to manage the course in my absence, allowing me to solely focus and devote my full attention to my family. For me, this break from work was a turning point. When my first two children were younger, my priority was building my professional career. I am forever grateful for this opportunity because it has taught me the importance of letting go and adjusting focus to my kids and family.

It's great when you can pause to see how all the hard work you've done directly benefits you, and what that adds to your life. But it can take away from your family life and I saw that, too. It actually would have been easier for me to go right back to work when my third daughter was born. Letting go of my responsibilities at the golf course and putting complete trust in others to do the job was much harder for me at first. It’s all about how you think of things positively versus negatively. I know it’s easier to take the easy road but when you put your mind to it and take the more challenging path, it is extremely rewarding.

Letting go of my responsibilities at the golf course and putting complete trust in others to do the job was much harder for me at first...

Many superintendents don’t take time away from the job or prioritize time with their family. I’m far from perfect, but I really want to help others find a place to start on the journey to better mental health. Reach out to your peers when you need help. Seek professional help. You’re not alone on the ride. We all need a quick reminder that at the end of the day, your job is your job and family is family. You can be replaced at your job tomorrow, but your family can’t be replaced. Time marches on and your kids grow up whether you're there or not.

I hope I have encouraged you to be the best you. Seeking help is not a weakness! It's taking a stand that you want to make a difference for yourself. We are all in the turf industry together. Let’s step up and help one another.

Live life to its fullest every day and grow some awesome turf, my friends.

Noah Pier, Golf Course Superintendent
University of Louisville Golf Club
Simpsonville, Ky

With the encouragement of his wife, Karen, Zach made a point of taking time for himself and spending one day a week fly fishing on nearby streams.

Zach tells us about his agronomic and emotional struggles this year and how taking time for himself and his family has helped right the ship. Watch the video or listen to the podcast.

From the three years of mental preparation and physical training to the month-long trek and ascent itself, Steve recounts his motivations, personal desires, triumphs and satisfactions, mistakes made and lessons learned along with his changed worldview and perspective about life and the golf industry.

A fascinating conversation  with an individual who is always climbing higher in life. Steve was recognized earlier in the year as a TurfNet All Star of Turf.

Watch the video or listen to the podcast.

You have heard the old saying, “There are superintendents who have lost grass — and those who will.” Given the direction our industry has taken in recent years, a 2002 version of that maxim might read, “There are superintendents who have been fired — and those who will”.  With the accelerating demands for perfection on the golf course — and the lengths the industry will go to achieve them — both adages will likely be truer in the 21st Century than in the last.

Ironically, in many situations, a golf course superintendent getting fired has little or nothing to do with losing grass — although it rarely happens without some underlying reason.  There is no doubt we have created a monster of spiraling expectation, where superintendents lose their jobs and families get uprooted over thousandths of an inch in height of cut, inches of ball roll or minor imperfections of color.  Playing conditions peaked for tournaments only several years ago are now demanded on a daily basis.  We are testing the limits of Mother Nature — a concept of which many golfers have no understanding — and She usually wins.

Who am I to address this subject? I have never been a superintendent.  I am not a PhD psychologist or career counselor; hardly a financial advisor, and certainly not a priest.  I am, however, a two-time survivor of the experience who took advantage of both events to redirect my life toward something better.  In the years since, I have spent many, many moments of reflection and retrospection on those defining moments and the situations leading up to them.  And from the chair in which I have been sitting for the past nine years as commander-in-chief and maestro of TurfNet, I have seen way too many good superintendents, good people, good friends of mine lose their jobs, many times through no fault of their own — or at least, no blatant miscue, screw-up or failing.  

It’s refreshing and healthy to see this topic, long discussed only in whispered, closed door, backroom conversations, brought out of the closet and onto the table.  Job loss is receiving more and more attention from the mainstream trade press, and has even been acknowledged by GCSAA.  But rather than the usual cursory overview with a case study or two and a suggestion to contact GCSAA’s career development people, we’re going to get into it right here. We will take a look at the “job killers”, the warning signs, the emotional trauma, financial considerations, and then picking up the pieces and moving on. 

This is not intended as a lesson on the mechanics of finding a new job.  It’s meant to be a practical guide to avoiding the situation in the first place, and once it happens, getting through the process with your soul intact.

This is not intended as a lesson on the mechanics of finding a new job.  It’s meant to be a practical guide to avoiding the situation in the first place, and once it happens, getting through the process with your soul intact.

The scope of the problem...
For a historical perspective, where did the term being fired come from, anyway?  According to Paul Hawken (founder of the Smith & Hawken garden store chain) in his book Growing Your Business, when a group or village back in medieval times wanted to ostracize a member, the townspeople went to the offender’s home and burned it to the ground, along with all and everything inside.  Relations were severed by firing. Thankfully we are not quite so barbaric any more. 

Even though this situation has become alarmingly visible in recent years due to the speed and reach of the internet, the actual numbers are fairly small.  For lack of any real statistics, let's use 5% as a round figure.  That means in a room of 100 golf course superintendents, five will lose their jobs this year. The actual number may be slightly more or less, but 5% is reasonably close (7% was the figure GCSAA cited recently in Superintendent News).

Admittedly, that’s not exactly cause for panic.  But it also means that, at least statistically, everyone will have their turn once every 20 years.  If you're one of the few who survive an entire career as a superintendent, statistically speaking you’ll be fired twice during your career.  Of course, some superintendents may get fired twice or three times every 20 years and others won’t at all. But it never hurts to be aware, be on guard, be prepared, and have Plan B in mind at all times.

If you're one of the few who survive an entire career as a superintendent, statistically speaking you’ll be fired twice during your career.

This trend is certainly not unique to the golf course industry, for we are just a microcosm of society at large. Due in part to email, FedEx, next-day-this or second-day-that, our society today demands instant and immediate gratification. We want it now, with no excuses. “Don't tell me about the labor pains, show me the baby!” Our golfing clientele is no exception.  It’s all about “What have you done for me lately?”

Compounding the fragility of job tenure is the rate of change in our society, which has accelerated to warp speed.  Companies are acquired, others merge or go out of business. Here today, gone tomorrow.  Technology improves, obsolescence follows. Demographics shift. Planes fly into buildings. Stuff happens.

As a result, career positions are becoming a dying breed, across all industries.  Just ask any pro football coach, ex-Enron employee, or any of the 25- or 30-year veteran superintendents who have been terminated within the last year. Age and experience have become liabilities.  Youth, energy and a lower price tag are attractive.  And there is another new crop of young graduates every year who would love to have your job for half your going rate.  

Age and experience have become liabilities.  Youth, energy and a lower price tag are attractive...

My father-in-law got up and went to work in the same factory building every day for 45 years before retiring about 15 years ago. Today, the company he worked for no longer exists.  Unlike our parents’ generation, which could often count on a career-long tenure with one company, some say it is foolish for us today to plan past the next five years in any job, in any industry.  Others say you can’t realistically look beyond the next two or three years.

One of our TurfNet members (and a good friend of mine) received his walking papers recently after 25 years at his club. Some gold watch.  Located in the greater NYC area, the club had turned over about one-third of the membership due to the economic slump after 9/11.  All of a sudden, when greeting golfers around the first tee, he realized that he no longer knew many of them.  Obviously, the new members had no emotional attachment to him, either.  Things beyond our control can and do change, often very quickly.

Adding fuel to the fire is the escalation of salaries among superintendents in recent years, particularly in the major metropolitan areas.  While that is undeniably a positive trend, unfortunately, as the stakes get higher, the fuse of owners, green committees and others in the club hierarchy tends to get shorter — and requires less to light it. 

The Job Killers
I did a casual survey on TurfNet.com to compile a list of “Job Killers” that have been known to hasten the superintendent’s exit out the door.  Let’s take a look at a few...

• Poor communication is a death knell. Good communication is regular and ongoing: upward to club management, downward to your staff, and outward to your members or golfing public.  Avoid surprises. Keep the right people informed (particularly when problems arise) as to reasons, cost and timelines for recovery. Without it, they have no idea of the methodology behind your madness, especially as it affects playability, appearance or budget.

• “The Next Level”. Whatever that is, a lot of clubs want it and are eager to replace their superintendent in search of it.

• The crossfire of club politics. We’ve all heard the saying that being a golf course superintendent is “90% politics and 10% agronomy”.  Communication, public relations and many other factors (including “don’t burn bridges” and “don’t piss off that jerk who may someday become club president”) are intertwined here.  On the other hand, it’s easy to blame club politics when other shortcomings are really at the root of the matter.

• “My” golf course.  Fellas, if you don’t own it, it ain’t yours.  Period.  There is usually a higher power to answer to, and nine times out of ten, they have the last laugh.

“My” golf course.  Fellas, if you don’t own it, it ain’t yours.  Period.  There is usually a higher power to answer to, and nine times out of ten, they have the last laugh.

• General Managers run amok.  You’ve all seen it. Ego, power plays, politics, wanting to make a name for themselves all play into it, often at your expense.

• Blinders, tunnel vision.  Not seeing the forest for the trees.  Focusing on the triple-cut while the water coolers remain empty, or planting killer annuals around the tee box while ignoring the broken ball washer nearby. Many a new hire has come into a golf course, taken care of the simple, little things and looked like a hero — while the ex-superintendent who neglected them walks down the road, hanging his head like a dog.

• Complacency and boredom.  Boredom arises from routine.  Keep motivated by setting new goals, integrating new technologies, tackling new projects.  Hire a stable of young people to learn from and keep you on your toes.  Change or improve something in the maintenance facility every year to avoid stagnation, even if it’s just a coat of paint.  Be aware of the 7-Year Itch.

• Invisibility.  Don’t hide in your office or eat lunch in your truck.  When in the office, use the computer as a tool rather than as entertainment. Work the first tee like a politician on the stump, particularly on weekend mornings.  Don’t fall into the trap of disappearing when stressed or when things aren’t going right.  It’s easy to do.

• In-season special projects.  To call maximum attention to yourself, it’s hard to beat a flagrant mistake. Limit your focus during peak season to routine maintenance.  Do what you’re paid to do: produce great golfing conditions. This greatly reduces the opportunity for highly visible, costly mistakes or disruptions, while you give full attention to getting your turf through the season intact. 

• Employee mismanagement or abuse.  Many a superintendent has been shown the door with a knife in his back, often wielded by a disgruntled employee.  Mixed-gender crews open up further opportunities for abuse.  Be careful, and be aware.  That occasional  “liaison” with the club president’s wife isn’t a good career move, either.

That occasional  “liaison” with the club president’s wife isn’t a good career move, either.

• Mismanagement of resources, including borrowing or lending club property, or worse.  Those side landscape or seed jobs have also brought more than one superintendent down.

• Alcohol and drug abuse.  As upstanding as we like to think our industry is, we are not Superman.  Golf course superintendents have pressures and work long hours like many others do.  Some handle it better than others.

• Bad attitude.  A catch-all, perhaps, but many great grass growers with a stubborn, “my way is the only way” attitude have found themselves on the outside looking in, while less talented superintendents with a cooperative, go-get-’em attitude continue to survive the cut.

• Conflicts with other departments. This can often be combined with the “own agenda” and “bad attitude” job killers.  Avoiding this situation in many cases boils down to choosing which battles you need to fight, and when you can give ground to accommodate others. Consider the full scope of the potential consequences when deciding whether or not to dig in your heels.

Of course, there are agronomic job killers as well, including repeated turf loss, bad chemical applications, poor housekeeping, and the “greener grass down the street” syndrome.

The warning signs...
Warning signs are everywhere, but often come to light only with the benefit of hindsight.  When the communication stops — on anyone's part, in either direction — beware.  That’s usually a foreshadowing of an unpleasant event.  If meetings are held without you, chances are your input isn’t valued very much — or they are planning your exit strategy for you.  When decisions are made without your input, particularly as they affect your areas of direct responsibility, start packing your stuff.  If the time for scheduled pay raises or bonuses comes and goes with no explanation, update your  resume.  If they bring in a consultant (other than a scheduled USGA visit), more often than not you’re screwed.

When decisions are made without your input, particularly as they affect your areas of direct responsibility, start packing your stuff.  

On your part, if you find yourself not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, or getting to work late or leaving early, those are pretty good indicators that you have lost the fire in the belly.  If you find yourself making decisions on your own and circumventing proper channels of authority, you might soon discover those meetings being held without you.

When I look back at my own situations, virtually all of the above warning signs were there.  But a great deal of retrospection has led me to one conclusion:  it was me, more than anything else.  In both instances I was ready for a change, ready to move on, ready for the next challenge — and that affected relationships enough to get me fired, both times.  The fire in my belly had gone out — and I knew it, but didn’t act on it.

You can't predict. You can only prepare. 
The best defense is a good offense. Proactively managing your career is the best way to avoid sudden job loss.  That involves periodically assessing both your enthusiasm for your job and your standing among those around you.  Know when you need to make a change in advance of others making it for you.  Many superintendents have stayed one step ahead of the sheriff throughout their careers simply by keeping their ears to the ground and taking their internal temperature on a regular basis.

There’s another old saying:  “The best time to find a new job is when you don’t need one.”  You can make your own choices, on your own terms.  All it takes is the savvy to realize the need and the guts to pull the plug and move on.

The best time to find a new job is when you don’t need one.

In today’s climate, establishing a safety net or fine-tuning a Plan B should be constant and ongoing.  Golf course superintendents have a wide range of skills, from permitting and environmental compliance to plumbing, electrical, mechanical, surveying, and earth moving. Hone your skills to the point of making them marketable.  Become an expert in something, as a potential alternate career path at some point in the future.

I bought my first personal computer back in 1992, at age 38, and taught myself how to use it.  Why?  Because I sensed the water swirling in the bowl, and knew that if I had to go back into the job market without PC skills, I didn’t stand a chance.  Eighteen months later, there I was.  And I had developed my computer skills enough by that point to start a new business.  One thing does prepare you for the next.

Perhaps the most critical proactive element in career security is establishing a network.  Involve yourself and stay active in the industry.  Meet as many people as you can, across all disciplines, including golf course architects, irrigation designers, builders.  Stay on good terms with everyone, including club members. These are key to establishing and maintaining your network, which has rescued many an unemployed superintendent from the bread line.

Prepare yourself financially
The emotional trauma of losing your job is bad enough without having to worry about how you’re going to feed your family.  As with skill development and network building, this must be started early and continued on an ongoing basis.  At particular risk are those who live in club housing and/or drive club-owned vehicles.  You think it's bad to lose your job?  How about losing your home and transportation as well?  If you have housing provided as part of your compensation package, find a way to buy a vacation home or rental property to build equity and as a hedge against becoming homeless.  Homeless?  You bet.  How's that for a reality check?

One of our TurfNet members told me one day, “If I were to lose my job, all we would have is a U-Haul behind my wife’s minivan.”  That’s a pretty sobering thought. So he took it upon himself to build a vacation home for his family's use during the summer, and to build financial security over the years.  The majority of the net worth of most people today has likely come from appreciation of real estate more than anything else.  Don’t be left out.

Beyond owning a home, it's critical to put some money aside — although very difficult to do.  The more we make, the more we tend to spend.  Money in the bank is the best cushion for a soft landing should you lose your job.  Three months’ take-home pay in the bank is a good goal, but six would be better.  If  you are living paycheck to paycheck with nothing saved, re-assess your lifestyle and make some changes.      

Another TurfNet member, a very conservative person to start with, mentioned to me that he’s not afraid of losing his job.  Why?  “Because I spend a lot less than I make, and there's plenty there to tide me over.  I would just get another job or find something else to do...”  How many of us can say that?

When planning for the future, keep in mind that, just like professional athletes, it’s very likely you won’t wind up your career in this industry at peak income.

Keep in mind that, just like professional athletes, it’s very likely you won’t wind up your career in this industry at peak income.

OK, so you get the news.  What now?
Right out of the gate, get your financial house in order.  Negotiate proper severance — something you and your employer will likely disagree on, but a week or two per year of service is pretty standard.  Obviously, this is best done in advance.  

If you don't get another job by the time your severance runs out, swallow your pride and apply for unemployment benefits (another reality check).  Remember the bar scene from the original Star Wars, with all those mutants and cretins hanging around?  That’s what the unemployment line is like.  Believe me, it’s a humbling experience.

Hunker down and put the brakes on all discretionary spending.  It’s amazing how much money you can NOT spend when you put your mind to it.  Talk to your creditors if need be.  Somehow you’ll get through it.

Regardless of how it happens, losing your job can be emotionally devastating, to both you and your family.  Why?  Because our society defines us as individuals more by what we do in life than by who we are. When someone meets us for the first time, one of the first identifiers they seek out is what we do for a living, not that we like to play the guitar or cook or coach a soccer team.  When we lose our job, we lose a core component of our persona.  We are viewed by many — often including ourselves — as no longer whole. 

What should you expect when you suddenly find yourself unemployed?  Expect your relationships to change, or at least your casual ones. Your real friends will stand by and support you, but your fair weather friends will likely duck you like the plague. I call this the “Leprosy Syndrome”.  People feel an awkwardness talking to you or even being around you.  They don’t know what to say, so they just avoid you.  My own brother-in-law didn’t speak to me for three months after my last “event”, because he didn’t know what to say.

What should you expect when you suddenly find yourself unemployed?  Expect your relationships to change, or at least your casual ones.

There is a lesson there for all of us. I have been guilty in the past of avoiding acquaintances who were out of work, or who might have gotten a bad diagnosis, due to that same awkwardness. Don't fall into that trap when it happens to a friend or neighbor or the superintendent down the street.  Call him or send him an email to see how he's doing.  Stop by, stick out your hand, offer a smile and a friendly word.  “How are you doing?” is all that’s necessary.  

Taking that a step further, while walking the aisles at the trade shows, don’t look the other way when you see a “jobless” guy approaching.  Be certain he feels weirder than you do, just being there. Say hey, look him in the eye, offer a word of encouragement, ask how the search is going. Show that you care. He will appreciate that, and remember.

If you should lose your job, be prepared to become the scapegoat among your former co-workers.  You will be blamed for all that ails the golf course. Don’t let it bother you.  It’s an unfortunate part of human nature.

If you should lose your job, be prepared to become the scapegoat among your former co-workers.

While you’re looking for your next job, be aware of the symptoms of clinical depression, a treatable physical illness sometimes triggered by an event like job loss. Running at full tilt for years and then hitting the wall can screw up your internal chemistry.  Symptoms of depression can include feelings of sadness, guilt, or hopelessness; irritability; fatigue or restlessness; loss of interest in favorite activities; irregular sleeping habits, or changes in weight or appetite. If you find yourself experiencing more than several of these symptoms, swallow your pride and see your doctor.  It’s not a sign of weakness.

Your job loss can be even more difficult for your family than yourself, because they might not understand all that led up to it like you do.  All they know is that now you’re at home, and the paychecks will soon stop.  I had barely walked in the door after receiving the news the last time when one of my daughters, who was about ten at the time, asked me, “Daddy, are we going to be poor now?”  That was almost rock bottom for me — but I’ll get back to that in a moment.

Looking at the brighter side, this situation can be a good opportunity for you to be a role model for your kids, depending upon their ages.  One of my greatest satisfactions was to involve my family in the starting of a new business, and have them watch me rise above the fear and the doubt to grow a successful business from little more than an idea.

Get comfortable with it...
The sooner you get comfortable with your new status, the faster you will be able to move on.  I entitled this talk “Let's all say the F-Word” not to be a smart-ass, but for a specific reason. Just like the first step in dealing with alcoholism, we have to accept it, come to grips with it, embrace it — before we can move on with the rest of our lives.  We need to say it out loud.  “I GOT FIRED!”  Then say it again.  You are not the first, and you are not alone.  There is no reason for shame.  Hold your head high. And don't hide behind the false cloak of “resignation”, “early retirement”, or “pursuing other interests”.  That's BS, and everyone knows it.  

There is no reason for shame.  Hold your head high. And don't hide behind the false cloak of “resignation”, “early retirement”, or “pursuing other interests”.  That's BS, and everyone knows it.  

Talk about it. Talk to anyone who will listen, until you get it out of your system.  Or write about it in a journal, if only for your own eyes. Both are therapeutic. That’s another critical step in moving forward. Writing this is therapeutic for me, almost ten years later.  

Give yourself quiet time to think. That's a luxury our lifestyles don’t allow us enough of.  Turn off the TV, the car radio, your cell phone.  I do my best thinking while asleep, in the shower, in the car, or mowing the lawn.  As a matter of fact, I literally “dreamed up” the TurfNet concept while asleep, about 4:00 AM. Sat bolt upright in bed. The human subconscious is an amazing thing — and necessity can indeed be the Mother of Invention.

Get away. Take a walk, or a short vacation if your finances allow.  You'll look back in with a clearer mind, and be better able to assess the big picture.

A favorite quotation that I cited years ago in an editorial is this:

"Every now and then go away, 
have a little relaxation, 
for when you come back to your work 
your judgment will be surer,
 since to remain constantly at work 
will cause you to lose power of judgment. 
Go some distance away 
because the work appears smaller 
and more of it 
can be taken in at a glance, 
and a lack of harmony or proportion 
is more readily seen."

That applies equally if you are employed and embroiled in your daily tasks, or if your job is searching for your next one.  The author of that quotation, by the way, was Leonardo DaVinci — so it’s not an entirely new concept.

An examination of your strengths and weaknesses can provide insight into which direction to take.  You need not always follow the same path, particularly if the fun had stopped.  Everyone is not cut out of superintendent cloth. Don’t let tunnel vision blind you to new (and perhaps different) opportunities.  What do you REALLY want to do?

Many people go through their entire lives with closet dreams and ambitions that they never realize, simply because they could never take that step out of the comfort zone.  Well, guess what?  Once you have lost your job, you’re out of it.  There’s no more standing at the end of the diving board trying to gather the courage to jump in.  You’re in, and in deep water.

If this is the case, take advantage of the opportunity.  Go back to school, start a business, teach... if the spirit moves you.  Of course, this is much easier if you have planned ahead and have some money in the bank to fall back on.

You may simply reaffirm in your mind that you want to be the best golf course superintendent you can possibly be.  If so, great!  Go at it with renewed vigor and energy.

Hitting rock bottom
It’s often valuable — albeit unpleasant — to realize when you have hit rock bottom, because from that point there is only one way to go.  My own brush with the bottom went like this...

I was fired two days after Christmas, and my company vehicle went with it. Soon after the New Year, my kids were in school and my wife was teaching part time. I was home alone with the dog.  About 10:00 that morning, I opened the refrigerator and saw my older daughter’s lunch bag sitting there.  “Oh, I'll just take it over to school,” I thought.  Uhh... no transportation.  I suppose I could have asked my neighbor to borrow her car, but no, I wasn't going to do that.  Too proud.

Walking wasn’t really practical since it was about 15° outside and the school was two miles from home.  So what did I do?  I got out an old bicycle from the garage, pumped up the tires, and started pedaling.  After dropping off my daughter’s lunch, I started for home, into the wind this time.  As I pedaled furiously, the tears streamed down my face — partly due to the cold wind, but mostly due to sheer, utter rage at the situation I was in.  That was rock bottom for me. I decided right then that I was going to be the captain of my own destiny, the master of my own fate, during the next stage of my life.

As I pedaled furiously, the tears streamed down my face — partly due to the cold wind, but mostly due to sheer, utter rage at the situation I was in.

As you clear your head and focus your vision, look forward and don’t dwell on the past.  You can't change what happened, but you can learn from it.  Things often happen for a reason that is not always clear at the time.

My grandmother used to say that things work out for the best in the end.  She was right, at least in my experience. I have become a firm believer that good ultimately prevails over bad, and that every event in our lives is part of a bigger plan. The universe unfolds as it should.  Be tough, stand tall, move on with your life. One door closes, and another will open — but sometimes we have to twist the knob ourselves.

You can download the pdf of this article here.

They chat about a recent Tweet of Paul's and how the social media success of his and Kristi's singing and "nitwitery" on Twitter over the past two years have meant to them, and his business. Check it out... podcast or video.

Stu and I connected a month or so ago after the TurfCareBlog over in the UK featured a piece written by Stu (A Greenkeepers Life after Drink) about his journey to sobriety. With my feelers always out for content related to mental health and golf turf maintenance, I linked to it from our Tuesday morning Turf Blog & Social Aggregator e-zine. We chatted several times via Skype and have kept in touch since, agreeing that I would tell my story on HWOM for the benefit of greenkeepers and others in the UK and beyond.

I related my experience with job loss, starting and building TurfNet, depression and the ultimate realization that I had a quantity problem with alcohol -- and did something about it.

The HWOM moniker? Henry Westons Vintage Cider was one of Stuart's beverages of choice back in the day, hence the "old mate".

Check out some of Stu's other HWOM videos or podcasts, such as the recent one on Learning From Failure - another favorite topic of mine.

Podcast feed:

Two years ago I suffered a depressive episode which many would call a "breakdown". It was not a singular event, but a result of many events and circumstances that had eroded my self-esteem and self-confidence over a period of time. My job as a golf course superintendent was part of the problem.

Influenced by today's cultural and social pressures, and without consciously realizing it, I had begun to correlate my self-worth to my job and to my role as a parent. Judging myself against the increasing perfection demanded of my profession, I chided myself for things that I could not control, always feeling a failure if something went wrong.

As a golf course superintendent with a stable employment history for over twenty years, I was considered in local circles to be talented and successful. Nevertheless, deep down inside, I doubted my ability to reach the high water marks required by the industry or attained by my peers. Forever I would be a failure, as I felt I could not produce perfection like they were able to do.

Deep down inside, I doubted my ability to reach the high water marks required by the industry or attained by my peers..."

Restful sleep eluded me as I tossed and turned each night. Had I sprayed the wrong fungicide? Would the crew show up tomorrow morning? Did the irrigation come on? Would the greens roll fast enough? Did I spend enough time with the kids? Does my wife understand me? I'd ask myself the same questions over and over throughout the night, every night.

I became more irritable, especially towards my family and friends. I also became more isolated, feeling that no one could fully understand my challenges. As time went on, I had greater difficulty making decisions. I found failure in everything. Thoughts and counter-thoughts race through my head like pinballs ricocheting from bumper to bumper. Yet none fell out of play. It went on and on.

Nothing was right. Nothing was good. Nothing was ever going to be right or good enough.

Suddenly, it all caught up to me. I had been trying to make a decision for days regarding my career, tossing and turning the thoughts in my head like making a salad. Shredding and shredding and shredding them, but never letting them rest. I went back and forth, again and again and again. Anxiety and frustration weighed me into a mental funk. Finally, physical and emotional exhaustion knocked me to the floor, where I curled into a ball and cried.

I was depressed, and I needed help.

The Career Factor
Adding to the day-to-day demands of my responsibilities as a golf course superintendent was the fact that my employer had the golf course up for sale. This poured fuel on my emotional fire. Who was going to buy the club? How I would fit into the new regime? If purchased by a management company, would my salary be reduced? One management company rep looking over the property told me that he could easily cut the maintenance budget by one-third. He confided that if they bought the golf course, my compensation would probably be re-arranged with a reduced salary offset with a company bonus plan.

I was concerned about having to look for another job, having to relocate my family, to force my wife to give up her successful job. Would another job offer any more security? I didn't want to uproot my family for another unknown. I realized I had lost confidence in the industry.

To make matters worse, we were suffering from a drought situation that year. I was under pressure to keep the course in top shape so that it could be sold for the highest dollar. I also knew that would give me a better chance of being retained by the new owners. But I worried that if something happened, both my current employer and the new owners would view me as a failure.

I was being sold along with the equipment to a management company that would probably fire or transfer me..."

I felt as if I had no control over my future, which was in the hands of everyone but me. I was being sold along with the equipment to a management company that would probably fire or transfer me. If I left beforehand, with so many superintendents being fired every year, I probably would be too. Every option seemed to be a dead end.

As it turned out, the golf course was sold to a management company, and my fears slowly began coming true. I had to prove my worth every moment to justify my salary. "Paper rules and paper policies" were put in place, mostly to conform and convert employees to be "company sleeves".

I had always been accustomed to doing things the right way. With the former owners, the quality of the work was all that mattered. Now, only the cost mattered. Budget cuts became the norm. It was difficult for me to accept doing things second best. The job was no longer fun. I was unhappy all the time and couldn't sleep. Anxiety overwhelmed me. My concentration became fragmented. I was way too tired emotionally to think rationally. That's when I broke down.

So what are we dealing with?
Depression is a disease, frequently associated with chemical imbalances in the brain. It is not a weakness of character, nor is it a personal flaw or shortcoming. It is not a symptom of being "nuts" or crazy. It is a serious illness, no less significant than cancer or heart disease, and is thought to affect over 11 million people in this country alone. It can be personally devastating, affecting relationships, careers, and the ability to function normally.

There are various types of depression, as well as causes. Depression that lasts for short periods of time is usually triggered by traumatic life events such as a death in the family, a divorce or loss of job. This is the body's healthy way of coping with loss and change, and is completely normal. But if this type of depression becomes extended beyond a few weeks or months, professional help is often required to get back on your feet.

The most serious type of depression is genetic, which causes cyclic, episodic depressions of varying lengths and degrees throughout your lifetime. This type of depression can be triggered by events that are not normally considered traumatic, such as making a small mistake at work, forgetting an appointment, losing a favorite CD or gaining a few pounds. Sometimes it appears for no apparent reason at all.

"Just as heart disease has been passed down through the generations, the gene linked to depression has also tagged along..."

This is the type I suffer. Depression runs in my family. I can document depression on both sides of my family over four generations, including the one following mine. My family has been very successful over the years, including writers, generals, educators and medical doctors. But just as heart disease has been passed down through the generations, the gene linked to depression has also tagged along. Knowing your family medical history can help you determine if you are predisposed to the disease, and to be on the lookout for it in yourself or in your family.

The obstacle for many people experiencing depression is recognizing the symptoms, and then overcoming the social stigma attached to the disease and seeking proper treatment. Unfortunately, too many people suffering depression never get better because they choose to ignore the warning signs, or can't swallow their pride and seek appropriate treatment.

Symptoms of depression are wide ranging. They can include fatigue, sleeping too much or too little, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, guilt or despair, inability to concentrate, loss of interest in favorite activities, irritability, frustration, social withdrawal, a change of eating habits, and drug and/or alcohol abuse. Physical symptoms can include headaches and muscle aches, crying spells, loss of muscle tone, slow speech, and a look of exhaustion. As you can see, depression is much more than simply being "bummed out". You don't need to exhibit every symptom listed to be depressed. Experiencing even a few persistent symptoms for several weeks could mean that you are suffering even mild depression and should seek professional treatment.

People suffering depression often don't seek treatment, for many reasons. Some simply reject the idea of being depressed, and assume that they are in a "funk" that will pass in a few days. Others recognize that it isn't passing, but are concerned of being stigmatized or stereotyped. Sufferers may feel that their friends, peers, or neighbors will think of them as unable to cope, weak, unbalanced, or even crazy. Unfortunately, there are those who subscribe to this disingenuous bias, ignorant of the reality of depression. Still, succumbing to denial and/or a fear of social stigmatism only helps the disease grow. Without proper medical treatment, depression can develop into a debilitating condition.

Getting help
The first step in seeking treatment for depression is to talk to your family doctor. Most are very well qualified to discuss your symptoms and recommend options for treatment. If your doctor diagnoses you with depression, he or she most likely will refer you to either a psychiatrist (a medical doctor with a PhD in psychology) or psychologist (a therapist with a PhD or MS in psychology), and will usually prescribe an antidepressant medication.

The day that I realized that I needed help, I made an appointment with my family doctor for that afternoon. He quickly diagnosed me as having a severe depressive episode, and recommended that I see a psychologist. After asking me what type of person I would be most comfortable talking to (male, female, young, older, local or out of town), we agreed on someone I should try first. He also prescribed an antidepressant medication.

Interestingly enough, he went on to explain to me that on an average day he sees at least five patients diagnosed with depression. Some, like myself, are new patients, while others are seen for follow up care. I was not an uncommon case, and definitely not an exception! Then, as I got up to leave, he gripped my shoulder, smiled and exclaimed, "You are lucky! Depression can be cured!"

Antidepressant medications... are not 'happy pills', nor do they alter a patient's personality."

Contrary to the stereotypes associated with antidepressant medications — including the jokes often made of Prozac — they are not "happy pills", nor do they alter a patient's personality. Rather, antidepressant medications work to restore balance to the brain's chemistry. Today the most popular antidepressant medications act to increase the level of the neurotransmitters serotonin or norepinephrine in the brain by reducing the uptake of these compounds by the nerve endings.

Medications that boost serotonin levels are called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs. Common names for these medications are Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, and Celexa. A popular medication that blocks the reuptake of norepinephrine is Wellbutrin, which is also prescribed to help smokers kick the habit.

These medications are safe, effective, non-addictive, and produce only a few side effects, but can sometimes require a process of trial and error to find the one that works best for you. These medications typically take from two to six weeks for you to begin feeling better.

I began therapy a few days after the visit to my doctor. The therapist did not look like Freud, and I was not instructed to lie on a couch. Oedipus has still not been mentioned! Rather, I was invited into a large room appointed with deep, comfortable chairs, Audubon prints on the walls, and a bowl of mint candy for the taking. Large windows let sunlight fill the room. My therapist was dressed in casual clothes and seemed just a regular guy, friendly, but unassuming.

We sat facing each other while he explained his practice and then asked me what had brought me to see him. I told him what happened to me recently, and how I believed that it was triggered by frustrations at work. We talked for two hours, feeling each other out. While he was evaluating how to best help me, I was gauging if I could be comfortable enough to trust him. As we talked, it became apparent that we could work together.

In this aspect I was fortunate, as there are times when a comfort level can't be reached between the patient and therapist. If this is the case, it is best to have your doctor make another recommendation.

Cognitive therapy teaches rational rather than catastrophic thinking."

Forms of either cognitive or interpersonal therapy are used for treating depression. Cognitive therapy teaches rational rather than catastrophic thinking. For example, if you have lost your job, you may feel it was your fault and that now your life is ruined. The therapist will challenge these thoughts with positive arguments to help you understand that although losing a job is unfortunate, it is not the end of the world. Interpersonal therapy centers on relationships, and how the patient can resolve those problems. The therapist will decide which treatment is best for you, and will often use them in combination. You are normally seen once a week, with appointments stretched out as you improve until you reach an "as needed" basis. Depending on the severity of the depression, therapy can last six months to many years.

Diet and exercise also influence recovery. This is mostly common sense. Eat healthy, limit caffeine and other stimulants, get plenty of exercise, and just as important, plenty of rest. "Recreational" drugs and alcohol should be avoided completely. In fact, these can cause serious side affects in combination with anti-depressant medications.

The rest of the story
It has been two years since I collapsed on my living room floor. I am not a different person now, but I am a confident person, recognizing that I do have worth. I am not a failure facing nothing but catastrophic tomorrows.

My worst fears regarding my employment ultimately became reality. A year or so after the management company took over, our differences in values, ethics and standards ultimately cost me my job. But that was OK. After almost two years in therapy and getting down to a "visit as needed" schedule, I could deal with it.

Therapy had helped me to understand that there were things — especially my reaction to various events — that I could control. I was able to accept myself as not being perfect, but human, and having worth as a human. I understood that life events were not a result of my failures or mistakes, but life itself. By controlling my reaction and not associating myself negatively with them, I could negotiate them successfully.

So the day I was fired was not an end, but a beginning. I could concentrate on a future, rather than be burdened any longer with a job that had lost all satisfaction. I was no longer scared of the future, because I had learned that I could work to make it better than the past.

I did not waste time pointing fingers, placing blame or figuring out what went wrong. Nothing went wrong..."

I did not waste time pointing fingers, placing blame or figuring out what went wrong. Nothing went wrong. I had not been happy with their business practices or ethics. I had done my best to try to effect change, and was proud of my efforts.

I began a new job search that afternoon, and was rewarded several months later when a good job opened up within a reasonable distance. I was able to start a new phase of my career without having to uproot my family.

During my job search, I spent extra time doing the things I had always thought of doing, but had never felt as if I had the time. I spent much more time with my family. I did the housework, the shopping, attended all the school events. For once, my job did not come first!

I worked on all those projects around the house that "never got done". I did volunteer work to help less fortunate people. Being unemployed is a better life than what many of the people I met were facing daily. I helped with the church. I took a part time job. I read and read and read. I read history, politics, sociology, religious studies, economics, autobiographies and classics.

I woke up every day with something to do that I wanted to do, for myself, as well as for others.

Had I not sought treatment and stayed with therapy and my medication — had I not gotten better — being fired would have been the end of me..."

Had I not had my breakdown, had I not sought treatment and stayed with therapy and my medication — had I not gotten better — being fired would have been the end of me. It would have been my biggest failure rather than my biggest opportunity.

I have had a lot of help along my road to recovery, especially from my wife, who every day continues to give me unconditional love and support. My family doctor monitors my progress and medications, and my therapist challenges me to think my way out of depression. There are many others who helped just with their friendship, completely unaware of my battle — not the least of which was a newfound faith in God.

If you even suspect that stress has overtaken your ability to enjoy your family, friends, work, and interests, talk to your doctor. Like any disease, depression only gets worse if left unchecked.

It was very important for me write this article because I believe that there are people who may benefit from my experience with depression and treatment. It is also a very personal story. I hope that you will understand why I have written it anonymously.

* * * * *

From the Editor's Notepad, TurfNet Monthly, May 2003

Even if you have the world by the ...

He approached me at one of the trade shows last winter and asked if we could talk for a few minutes. Sure, what's up? "Did you ever think about writing an article about depression?" he inquired. My ears immediately perked up. We talked for quite a while, and his eyes widened a bit as I told him I was taking Wellbutrin at the time myself. Yup. Really. Depression can sink its teeth into even those who by all outward appearances have the world by the shorthairs, and can manifest itself in many ways and to varying degrees. It got me, and I know I'm not alone. "Why don't you write the article?" I suggested, which he did well for this issue. I'll throw in my $.02, too.

My personal struggle didn't involve any self-worth or self-deprecation issues at all. I suffered — and continue to at times — from fatigue, loss of interest in favorite activities, difficulty concentrating, interrupted sleep patterns, irritability and altered eating habits. I gained fifteen pounds over the course of a year, and felt lousy most of the time. Something had to give, so I saw my doctor.

The medication he prescribed helped drive away the night-time demons so I could get a decent night's sleep. I took that for two months and felt somewhat better. Since the human body wants and tries to heal itself, I embarked on a moderate exercise program and adjusted the way I cook and eat. I've dropped most of that fifteen pounds and intend to lose fifteen more.

It started two years ago when I sold my business, which was akin to selling my first-born..."

I have not, to this point, gone the therapy route — although the fellow who wrote the lead article strongly suggests it. Maybe it's that macho thing, but I also know very well what was bothering me. It started two years ago when I sold my business (TurfNet), which was akin to selling my first-born. While OK financially, I didn't anticipate how difficult it would be emotionally. Six months later, 9/11 hit. Like many others, I obsessed and overdosed on the ensuing news coverage — all while watching my investments and retirement funds tank in the stock market.

These are stresses that grate away at you under the surface, chip away at your armor, weaken your defenses, and often manifest themselves only in your subconscious.

Early the next year, my father passed away after a brief bout with cancer. Three weeks after his funeral, an ill-conceived "compensation restructuring" plan was dropped on me by a short-lived regime at the helm of the Mother Ship, with all the finesse of a bunker-buster bomb.

While my father's death was a stinging uppercut that staggered me a bit, the pay cut was the knockout punch, absolutely kicking the feet out from under me emotionally. (That has been resolved recently, but long after the damage was done.)

I'm not sure how the brain chemistry thing figures into the equation. I suspect it's triggered by those subtle stresses and not-so-subtle life events, and then just doesn't subside automatically. For sure, it makes shaking it off very tough to do. Try as you might, it's very difficult to just snap out of it. Believe me.

I started by taking back some of each day for myself..."

So where does one go from here? I started by taking back some of each day for myself. Rather than ramping up here in the office the minute my wife and Daughter B leave for school at 7:15 AM, I take the dogs for a two mile loop (they're a bit chubby, too), have a cup of coffee and bowl of cereal with some fruit, and scan the newspaper. Shower and change and I'm ready for action, refreshed.

I try to limit the amount of television news I watch, particularly during the recent Iraq conflict. Rarely does the media present any good news.

I have also curtailed my alcohol consumption, having noticed a direct correlation between the number of beers or glasses of wine I drink and how I feel emotionally the next day — or even two days later. I'm learning how to enjoy only one glass of wine once in a while, rather than most of the bottle a couple times a week.

Dealing with clinical depression isn't like taking an aspirin for a headache. I've found it's more like managing a disease like diabetes, which requires lifestyle changes along with medication in many instances.

Why do I drop my drawers here and tell all? Hey, I'm OK. I can take it. Maybe this is my therapy. And if it helps someone else in a small way, I'm all for it.

Like I said, I know I'm not alone...

Peter L. McCormick

Here is his story, in audiocast or video.